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My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

What was Beethoven's favorite fruit? A Ba-na-na-na

I was going to get a brain transplant... But then I changed my mind.

Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid? Neither did he.

I could never be a plumber. It's too hard watching your life's work go down the drain.

How many months have 28 days? All of them!

My trading jokes might be out-of-the-money. But at least they never expire.

Why do options traders make terrible comedians? Their punchlines always suffer from time decay.

I was going to tell you an options joke. But it expired before you could appreciate it.

I built a new tool to show the next four quarters of futures rollover dates. It's on the "Tools" menu: https://my.aeromir.com/go/c.futures-rollover

Why did the teacher go to the beach? To test the waters.

What did the computer do at lunchtime? It had a byte.

What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? A sham rock.

Why did the mushroom get invited to every party? Because he’s a fungi to be with.

What do you call a snoring dinosaur? A Tyranno-snorus Rex.

What do you call a story about a broken pencil? Pointless.

Why did the lion lose at poker? Because he was playing with cheetahs.

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin Catholic.