TGIF

A newlywed went to her mother for advice. "Mom, I bought a nice brisket for dinner. I have all the ingredients,
but please tell me why you always cut the tip off it"?
The mother ponders this for a moment and replies, "I don't really know. I do it because that's the way grandma makes it. Let's call her".

"Grandma, the young woman inquires, I bought a nice brisket for dinner. I don't understand why you always cut the tip off it"?
She too doesn't know the answer. I cut the tip off because that's the way your bubbe makes it.
Still stymied but determined, the two women decide to call bubbe who is in the retirement home.
"Bubbe, It's Rachel, your grandaughter", the older woman says. "This is driving us mesheggah. Tiffany is making brisket.
I aways cut the tip off because that's the way my mom did it. She does don't know why either. Do you know why we always cut the tip off?"
Three generations of women await her answer.

For a moment the old woman thinks, the replies, "Ve didn't have a big enough pot".
 
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A Nuns Story

A Russian soldier ran up to a nun.

Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt, I'll explain later.”

The nun agreed.

A moment later two military police ran up and asked: “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”

The nun replied, “He went that way.”

After the military police ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can't thank you enough, Sister.

You see, I don't want to go to Ukraine.”

The nun said, “I understand completely.”

The soldier added, “I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!”

The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would've seen a great pair of balls too. I don't want to go to Ukraine either."

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A Technical Analyst and a Fundamental Analyst are chatting about the markets in the kitchen.

Accidentally one of them knocks a kitchen knife off the table landing right in the fundamental analyst’s foot!

The fundamental analyst yells at the technician, asking him why he didn’t catch the knife?

“You know Technicians don’t catch falling knives!” , the technician responded.

He in turn asks the fundamental analyst why he didn’t move his foot out of the way?

The Fundamental analyst responds, “ I didn’t think it could go that low”.
 
Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs,

"Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'II come up and see." He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"

The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful."

He knocks on wood for good luck. He then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
 
Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs,

"Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'II come up and see." He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"

The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful."

He knocks on wood for good luck. He then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
Hitting too close to home! ;-)
 
Two old blokes, one 80 and one 87 were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day.

“It keeps your energy level high, and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies”.

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.

As he was looking around the sales lady asked if he needed any help.

He said, “Do you have any rye bread?”

She said “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some”?

He said, “I want five loaves.”

She said, “My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard.”

He replied, “I can’t believe everybody knows about this stuff but me”.
 
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NASA engineers built a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.

British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements are made, and a cannon is sent to the British engineers.

When the cannon goes off, the engineers stand shocked as the chicken crashes into the shatterproof shield, smashes it to smithereens, blasts through the control console, snaps the pilot's backrest in two, and embeds itself in the back wall of the cabin.

The horrified Brits send the Americans a report of the disastrous test. “Please help us understand how to resolve this issue.

We followed all standard protocols and double checked every safety precaution prior to the test with the chicken cannon!”

The American engineers respond with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken first!"
 
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