TGIF

tom

Well-known member
Administrator
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.. Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack him again!'
 

tom

Well-known member
Administrator
A Catholic lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to rent a larger house. He was having a lot of difficulties finding a new place to house his family.

When he said, he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.

He couldn't say he had no children because he couldn't lie, we all know lawyers cannot and do not lie. So, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids. He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.


He loved one of the homes and the price was right -- the agent asked "How many children do you have?”

He answered: "Twelve.”

The agent asked, "Where are the others?"

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look, answered, "They're in the cemetery with their mother."
 

tom

Well-known member
Administrator
Will I Live till 80? Here's something to think about.


I recently picked a new primary care doctor.

After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned "late seventy-ish").

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,

'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs?

'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'

'No,' I said…

He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?'
 
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